Why saying goodbye matters

A common misconception with young children is that it is better, quicker or easier to sneak out of a room when our child is not looking or appears distracted versus saying goodbye and risking upsetting them.

Working in Early Childhood Education for many years, I was fortunate to see first-hand why the "sneak out" strategy is really hard on young kids.

I would say,9/10 times, this strategy comes with great intentions from parents or carers. They probably think they are doing their kids a favour and saving their feelings by sneaking out.

Let me be clear that I am not here to guilt anyone. I have just seen this too many times, and as my child will be starting childcare soon, it has brought up a bunch of areas that I spent so many years supporting in childcare centres.

So, whilst saying goodbye to young children might seem like a trivial or routine act, it holds profound significance in their emotional and psychological development. Whether it's leaving for work, school, or even a short trip to Woolies, these farewells matter more than we might realise. In this blog, we will explore why saying goodbye to young children is essential for their growth and well-being and, honestly, just the right thing to do.

A simple strategy anyone can adopt

I have the most super simple yet genius strategy when working with young children, and I consider this basic formula quite genius. (if I do say so myself)

Apply this strategy to a situation and see if it helps.

1- How would I feel if it happened to me (e.g. someone leaves my home without saying goodbye)

2- Then weigh up my age, life experience, resilience in being able to handle those situations (I'm old, and it would still suck)

3- Establish an "empathetic strategy" for what is fair and reasonable for a young child

And while we are on it, ask yourself this...

What would it feel like to be abandoned without explanation?

What can happen?

When parents or carers sneak off without saying goodbye to young children, it can evoke huge emotions and reactions. 

Here's how young children might feel in such situations:

⁃ Some children might interpret the sudden departure without a farewell as a form of abandonment. This can lead to feelings of insecurity and distress.

⁃ Young children may become confused when their parents vanish without any explanation. This lack of understanding can be unsettling for them.

-Young children may experience anxiety when they are unsure of their parent's whereabouts or when they notice a sudden disappearance. The absence of a proper goodbye can intensify these feelings of uncertainty.

⁃ Repeated instances of parents sneaking off without saying goodbye can break the child's trust. They may start to wonder if their parents or caregivers will return, which can affect their sense of safety and security.

⁃ Sneaking away can enhance a child's separation anxiety. It may make future separations more challenging as the child begins to anticipate caregivers disappearing without warning.

⁃ The lack of a proper goodbye can lead to emotional distress, including feelings of sadness, anger, and frustration in young children. They may not understand why their caregiver left without a word.

⁃ Over time, this behaviour can have a developmental impact on a child's emotional well-being. It may affect their self-esteem, attachment, and overall development.

Why this happens

The truth is our children are highly sensitive to our actions and reactions. Sneaking off without saying goodbye can affect a child's emotional well-being, trust, and sense of security. It's important for parents and caregivers to be mindful of the emotional needs of young children and to communicate openly and reassuringly during departures to foster a healthy and secure attachment.

Why saying goodbye is so important

1. Builds Trust

Consistently saying goodbye to your child helps build a foundation of trust. When you acknowledge their presence and say goodbye, you communicate that you will return. Over time, this establishes trust in the child's mind, reducing feelings of abandonment and insecurity.

2. Reducing Separation Anxiety

Young children often experience separation anxiety when separated from their parents. By saying goodbye, you provide a clear and reassuring transition. This routine lets your child know what to expect, making separations less daunting and emotional.

3. Teaching Emotional Resilience

Regular goodbyes allow children to cope with sadness, frustration, and disappointment. These are essential for developing emotional resilience, serving them well throughout their lives.

4. Fostering independence

Saying goodbye allows children to experience a sense of independence and self-reliance. They learn to manage their emotions and cope with temporary separations, a step toward becoming self-sufficient individuals.

5. Communication and Vocabulary Development

Saying goodbye provides a context for developing language skills. Through these interactions, children expand their vocabulary and learn to express their feelings, needs, and wants.

6. Connection and Bonding

Taking the time to say goodbye creates a special moment of connection with your child. It's an opportunity to share a loving, affectionate, and meaningful moment before parting, reinforcing the bond between you and your child.

7. Preparation for Future Transitions

Regular goodbyes prepare children for more significant transitions in the future, such as starting school. By experiencing and adapting to these small separations, they become better equipped to handle larger ones.

8. Mental and Emotional Well-Being

Children who experience consistent goodbyes with love and reassurance tend to have better mental and emotional well-being. They learn to trust, communicate, and cope with emotions effectively, contributing to their happiness and confidence.

Our Final Thoughts Next time you are tempted to "sneak out", or maybe someone encourages you to, you will know to explain why there is a better alternative.

Saying goodbye to young children is more than just a standard practice. It's a vital component of their development. By doing so, you help build trust, reduce anxiety, teach resilience, foster independence, promote language development, strengthen your bond, and prepare them for future transitions.

Ultimately, these small acts of saying goodbye contribute to their overall well-being and ensure they grow into emotionally secure, resilient, and confident individuals. So, remember the importance of that "see ya later" with your child next time you leave.

Jem x