Who’s guilty of a fake threat?
You know the ones?
"If you don’t eat your dinner you can’t have ice-cream"(knowing dam well you are heading there anyway and will end up giving it to them)
"If you don’t come here you won’t be going to grandmas" (they have to go to grandmas because you need to go to work)
"If you don’t be nice to your brother you won’t be coming on holidays" (yeah not going to happen)
"Put your iPad away or I will throw it in the bin" (how much are ipads these days? 1000$, I would bet all the money I have that you def wont do this")
Whilst these kind of fake threats are extremely convenient to hand out in the midst of your child being painfully obnoxious, they really are a recipe for disaster!
Why fake threats don’t work
Underestimating our children’s ability to see through our lies is our first mistake. Ahh, didn't you know, children are actually brilliant! When it comes to rules and rhythms in the family home,100 percent without a doubt in my mind, the MOST important factor is consistency. When we can’t follow through with 'threats' our child will observe this and learn really quickly that it doesn’t matter, because you don't follow through.
It's probably about time that we also ditch the word threat, its a really aggressive word. So for the purpose of adding a more gentle approach to this blog, as well as our parenting, we will change this term to 'boundary'.
When we set a 'boundary' and hold it, children will begin to see patterns and learn understand what natural and learnt consequences are.
For example, let's change up this narrative-
REPLACE THIS "If you tip your breakfast out there will be no more food for rest of the day (this is abrupt, and a fake threat)
WITH THIS "If you tip your breakfast out I will presume you have had enough, put the bowl away, and offer it again a little later.
Whilst both are expressing your boundaries, one harsh and unable to be followed through while the other promotes connection and is gentle, respectful, achievable and consistent.
So next time you go to throw out a fake threat, try to catch yourself and offer a realistic boundary instead.
Your future self will thank you.
Also this is by no means, intended to make you feel bad. I don't care who you are, every single parent would of thrown out a fake threat at some stage in their lives. I know I have. This is simply a reminder to reset and reboot, Tomorrow is a new day.
Jem xxx
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