Let's unpack the myth and start embracing the magic! In other words, let's validate your emotions and give you some coping strategies.
So whilst my little guy is not yet 2, the twos are a coming! (totally just sung the song- "the train is a commin" in my head- I'm dying, IYKYK)
What do the notorious toddler twos look like?
This cute rhyming title that has been depicted as a time of tantrums, defiance, and endless challenges. Parents often brace themselves for this stage, anticipating the arrival of the "terrible twos." But let's take a step back and question the prevailing narrative. Are the toddler twos truly as terrible as they are made out to be? Are they really so awful that we all have to brace ourselves for this god awful time where our child will turn into a devil before our very eyes? In this blog, we aim to unpack the myth and shed light on the beauty and growth that lie within this remarkable phase of your child's development and maybe shift the stigma, just slightly! We will unpack some of the behaviours you might see at this age and discuss why they occur and how to support them (I will avoid the phrase "manage their behaviour" because in case you hadn't realised yet, toddlers CANNOT and shouldn't, be managed.
Toddlers have an intense NEED for independence!
At around the age of two, (or once they are past the "baby stage") children begin to assert their independence, fiercely! While it will likely be frustrating at times, you may drop the occasional f**k bomb under your breath, as well as find yourself letting out some huge sighs, it's important to recognize this as a crucial stage. Understanding the ins and outs can help us to remain patient and ride the wave. Toddlers are developing their sense of self and discovering their place in the world, they have found their "voice" and will go out of their way to make sure, they are not only heard but that their decisions are very impacting. Their desire for autonomy is a sign of healthy growth, as they learn to navigate their surroundings and express their wants and needs.
Where did all these new words come from?
The toddler years are a prime time for language acquisition. We quite literally watch our child take on new words daily. It is hard to believe that only a few months ago, we were worried about about his language development. Whether they are babbling or pronouncing clear words, the things they are trying to say are used with meaning and can be almost aggressive as they are executed. As their vocabulary expands, toddlers start expressing their thoughts, desires, and needs more clearly. What also comes, is the ability to strongly communicate when they want something different, whether it is an apple instead of a banana or a reaction to the fact you cut their toast in triangles over squares, they will more than likely have a strong and verbal reaction to things. These are the moments where it is important to see the magic in language development, rather than the challenges that also come with this incredible new talent.
Make way for toddler play schemas
Play schemas can also be explained as natural developmental urges. Now whilst you may have already noticed schemas over the last two years. Like all things toddlers, now when play schemas are displayed, they come with a lot more "passion" as well as their actions posing actual safety concerns. Take the most recent play schema observed in our home, the new found interest in power points is intense, pulling out chords and plugging things in. Now whilst I am aware that this is my child exploring his connection schema, for families that aren't familiar with schemas this could be extremely frustrating. Having a basic understanding of play schemas is desirable as parents of toddlers. Knowing what and why you are seeing these urges can help you to support them and in turn make your reaction a positive one that supports learning. If we go back to the power points, I could not allow my child to continue this as it is unsafe, what I can do though, rather than just viewing this as annoying behaviour" I can meet his need for connection. The way I did this was to offer resources that support connection schema such as train tracks, magnets, and cutting wooden fruit. This then met his current needs and reduced the time he spent trying to attack the power points. This equals a slightly less frustrated mumma, a safe and calm environment and a happier toddler.
So many developmental changes are happening!
Toddlers are going through so many developmental changes, almost daily, this can be really challenging. This is a time where we have to continue to remind ourselves how brilliant this stage is and push to enjoy it as these times really are fleeting. You will notice that your toddler is likely to be soaking up knowledge like a sponge, constantly seeking new experiences and insights. This stage offers a chance for parents to embrace their child's thirst for knowledge, fostering their love for learning through play, discovery, and engaging activities. It's an incredible time to witness their awe and wonder as they learn about the world and how it works. Where possible, try to slow down, breath and enjoy these moments.
My toddlers emotions are just sooooo big!
Yeah I know, big emotions are a really huge part of toddlerhood. While emotional outbursts can occur, the good news is that they are generally happening for a reason. Toddlers face a genuine struggle to communicate and the ability to regulate their own emotions. This stage can feel like forever, take some time to just be with them and validate their feelings when things don't go to plan, this is the best way for children to learn positive strategies. This stage provides us with an opportunity to guide our children in understanding and managing their feelings, teaching empathy, and nurturing emotional development. Just remember to keep taking those big breaths, this is not going to be easy!
Milestones, achievements and regressions
However you look at it, and whatever wording resonates with you, what we know is this, the developmental changes that are occurring in such a short time frame are quite incredible! It was only this afternoon a neighbour commented that my son had changed so much, he has only know my son for 8 weeks! What other age could this be said about other than these first 2 years of life. From taking their first steps to mastering self-feeding, transitioning to a bed and toilet training, toddlers are making huge developmental leaps . Another reminder that these moments are truly accomplishments, celebrating them can boost children's self-esteem and reinforce their sense of capability, fostering a positive mindset and setting the stage for future growth.
So are the terrible two really so terrible?
While by no means am I staying it will be a walk in the park, this stage may present some big challenges, some parents will find it harder than others as we all have varying temperaments so this time will be different for all of us. By reframing our perspective, we can uncover the joy, growth, and wonder within this phase. Embracing the toddler years as a time of blossoming independence, rapid language development, curiosity, emotional growth, and exciting milestones can transform our experience as "toddler parents". Let's celebrate this incredible journey, take deep breaths, drop the f**k bomb from time to time, drink a little more wine if needed, or certainly have more than one coffee in the morning. Work towards cherishing the magical moments that make the toddler stage a truly remarkable and rewarding time in our children's lives.
And finally, although this may sound totally cliché, I think the "terrible twos" are actually more like the "terrific twos" (like what we did there?, its called manifesting!)
Jem x
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